Hurt and Hope Go Together

Hey Bailey! So when I first started reading this, I said an "aw" to myself cause I was predicting what the poem would be about. But then I scrolled down and realized it was extremely short. I know that there are many poems out there that are short, but realize that their message and wording is extremely strong. Your poem, unfortunately, lacks that. I understand what you're trying to say, but you simply did not portray it well. Make some tweaks to it, use better vocabulary and make it as though I can see everything you are saying. Use imagery and make it vivid. I know you can do this! Keep writing.

Hello Bailey. I love your Avatar by the way!

Anyway, onto the poem. I did like it in some ways but not in others. I do agree with RubberKnife and Peanut in that your poem seemed a little empty. I wanted some of those questions to be answered in a more deep way than with a four leaf clover. Because in reality who goes and looks for a four leaf clover to solve their problems? And although it was overused, I did like some of the thoughts you had, and if you just expanded on them it would have sold this poem for me.
Why not try to read and write more poetry and you will improve. Also review on this site, it really helps.

Good Luck
~Lydia

Great job! I like all the rhyming and questions.

Hey Bailey you told me to review this so I am and I sort of agree with RubberKnife. You are asking questions that you don't answer. You are telling us how you feel without explaining it. I'm not a poet and you know that but I know that you can really expand on this with images and words that will tell us what you are going through. I know what you are going through and this didn't really capture the emotion you are feeling. It's like a shell, try and answer those questions and tell how you feel about the answers maybe, that could really help flesh out this poem. Also I know that four leaf clovers are lucky but how do they fix the problems you mention?


Hope I helped.
~peanut~

Bailey Holcomb wrote:When you're life seems so great,
And nothing can bring you down,
Why does someone come and break your heart?
Ick. This tells me what you're feeling, what this poem is about. Besides that, it's barren and cliche. Where's the imagery? Where's the thought provoking ideal?

When you're happy as can be,
And you feel so fearless,
Why do you get ripped apart?
This is a boring carbon copy of the above. There's nothing here except a boring repeated and contrived sense of format ruined by your cliche teenage whining.

When someone tells you they love you,
And you're on top of the world,
Why do they say it's over?
Ugh, same as above. This isn't poetry.
When you know you've lost him.
And you feel like giving in,
Start hoping for a four-leaf clover.